It’s Back and I’m Scared - (Updated 7-13-2025)

You know that quiet guy, the one who always seems so easygoing and calm, who just listens patiently as you complain about your life ? Well, he just found out his brother's cancer came back. He had an upsetting morning before work, but yet he still came into work. He hasn't complained about his day or asked for your pity for his brother. He just quietly listens and nods as you talk about your problems.

Unfortunately, that guy is me , and that is how my Saturday started.

This weekend, I received some difficult news. My brother's cancer has returned. It’s hard for me to know how to feel right now. Part of me wants to be hopeful that they can cure it , but I'm also scared about what could really happen. He has been through so much already, including a previous surgery, and it's tough to see him go through this again. I'm trying to stay strong for him , but it's definitely a struggle. When I talk to him, I'm not sure what to say. I want to know how he feels about his situation, but I get the feeling he doesn't want to talk about it. It's tough, because I want to be there for him, but I also want to respect his boundaries and feelings. I'm just not sure if he's going to face this round of treatment with the same enthusiasm and hope that he did the first time, and that will be hard for me to see.

We don’t know all the details yet and expect to know more in a couple days. I just have this terrible feeling it’s not going to be a good outcome. Something just tells me to hope for the best , but expect the worst.

Well we did get another phone call today , which brought a wave of familiar apprehension. My brother needs another biopsy, a crucial step to verify the stage of his cancer and where it's currently located. While a part of me dares to hope they find nothing at all, I know in my heart that's unlikely. Still, we're choosing to walk into this next phase with high hopes, clinging to prayer for the best possible outcome. It's a challenging road, but we'll face it together, one step and one prayer at a time.

Update : 6-19-2025

Well we received the biopsy results today, and it's the same cancer my brother had before, but it has spread so significantly that it's no longer curable. It's throughout his chest and abdomen, with no way to halt its progression. 

The current plan involves 12 chemotherapy treatments, one every two weeks, to see how his body responds. The goal is simply to slow its spread and, though they didn’t use these exact words, essentially to prolong his life. I just hope he doesn't suffer too much with sickness or pain. He's said that if the chemo makes him too ill to enjoy life, he'll stop it. But that's a double-edged sword; if he stops, the cancer will surely take over, and I imagine he'd still experience pain and discomfort from that. So, we're just praying for the best possible outcome. I love my brother, and watching him go through this is incredibly difficult. I feel so helpless.

As I'm writing this, I got a message from my brother: he's back in the ER.

His first round of chemo has caused his heart to go into Afib. The hardest part is, this was also a side effect the first time he went through chemo. It feels like the difficult side effects have already started, and it's only just begun.

More than anything, I want to fix this for him. It's truly agonizing to watch my younger brother go through so much, and feel utterly powerless to make it better.

Update : 7-13-2025

A Challenging Update on My Brother's Health

We've received a significant update regarding my brother's health. About a week ago, he spoke directly with his oncologist, asking for a clear prognosis. The doctor initially stated a six-month life expectancy. However, this was quickly qualified, with the oncologist explaining that his remaining time largely depends on the effectiveness of his chemotherapy treatments and how well his body responds. This means there's a possibility he could have much longer than six months with us.

My brother is currently undergoing chemotherapy treatments every two weeks. Each session involves about four hours at the doctor's office, followed by 48 hours at home with a portable pump administering the chemo. For now, it's a waiting game to see how his body tolerates the treatments and how the cancer reacts. He has made it clear that if the chemo makes him too tired and diminishes his quality of life to the point where he can't enjoy the time he has left, he will likely stop the treatments. We all know that choosing this path would likely accelerate the cancer's progression. So, we wait, hope, pray and support him as he navigates this challenging journey.

Please help me pray for the absolute best outcome for my brother.

Be sure to check back often , because I will update this post as new information comes around. 

Thank you for joining me as I 

Wander Around My Life